Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Two Plots



There's a very common template of a plot in Middle Eastern culture and literature. This plot involves a man or a woman but mostly man having hell like trouble in his town and regular life. So much that eventually he has to leave this place to go settle in some foreign, alien land. But the plot would follow as, the man succeeding in this new land and realizing his true potential.

He’s usually never alone in this new land. The change of fortune he experiences usually stems from him being understood or accepted or valued in this new land. With some emphasis on “well, he was actually really hardworking but the society where he used to live in before has set walls in front of his success”. Basically he is not really to blame for his trouble, he was always “awsum” and pure.

At the end of the story, this formerly dissed guy returns to his old town. Usually as a planned action, not as a coincidence, and demonstrates his might and wealth to the people whom formerly despised or bullied him. Interestingly, this lame crowd of former bullies is either apologetic or scared of this guy now. Of course he can now get the girl he has always wanted to marry and her parents are now happy for him to take their daughter. Bla bla… 

The plot for a person who is being troubled in the west would go differently. He would usually have some sort of a last straw experience which would simply stir this man into action. He won’t leave his town usually but if he did it would be to reach a level of excellence that he can’t achieve in his town. He won’t run away from there. And if or when he leaves, he won’t wish to return there one day to prove who he has become. Americans like bringing the guy back to his town because of some coincidence and show the main character how much he has achieved. Rather than him proving himself to others, his old setting proves himself to him.



Trans: My return will be magnificent. Yet another "marvellous" products of mid-eastern plot.


We all have countless culturally induced scars in ourselves. This is a scar that runs deep in mid-eastern culture. It has been big enough to give birth to countless novels, poems, stories, myths, fairy tales and songs. Plus the prophet was kicked out of his land only to return there later to show his “might”. I’m not a believer in superstition of course. All I can say is that this culture found this plot strong enough to include in its holy book.

Of course west did the same thing. Their plot has been used again and again and again and again in many ways. It has its shortcomings too but mid-eastern plot bugs me more. Because it incorporates something that I also –unwillingly - have inside of me. Something that I don’t want.

What I don’t want should have been quite clear actually. I don’t want to define my success from the perceptions of others. I want to be able to perceive my success for myself. Frankly, mid-eastern success sounds more like a victory than success. Like being victorious in a war. Because the other side has to acknowledge your achievement for you to be victorious. Or, in mid-eastern case, success.

Friday, March 8, 2013

My History with Computers - 1 - Early Years and Primary School





I don’t know how it started or when but my interest in computers have always been strong. During the first years of my life that is, in Kuwait and when my family came back to Turkey, computers were kind of hard to reach. Though, I want to count my car race toy, the one below, as a computer. As that sort of use for computers dominated during my first years.



Atari



Atari was the first and only game console i ever owned. it had bunch of games in it even without the cartridges. My favorite and the only one I can remember by name is River Raid. The game is basically a plane, shooting down some bridges, helicopters and ships and occasionally other planes to collect points and advance to the next level. You were supposed to fill your fuel tank from time to time; otherwise it would be impossible to continue.

It was such an exciting game for me and I managed get my family interested in the game to. Still, when I look back at it, is quite surprising. But I remember moments of my dad trying the game but more frequently, I remember them watching me playing and cheering when I managed to advance to higher levels or get myself out of difficult situations.

I have never been able to finish that game. Partly because my interests shifted in time and partly because I broke all my 3 joysticks by being too hard on them. You know, pushing too hard so that the plane would move faster. Which never worked.



386DX

The date may be shaky but my dad decided to keep his patient information on a computer instead of paper in 1993. This meant a 386DX computer with 8mb ram and Windows 3.11 at that era.

Windows 3.11

 I still miss that computer from time to time. I spent so many hours in front of that computer. Sometimes alone, sometimes with my dad. My dad loved building model planes but his interest shifted to drawing them when he realized it is much cleaner and cheaper as a hobby. I used to watch him do his magic on MS Paint for hours, asking questions, wondering whether I can also draw like him.

After a few tries and my dad showing me what every tool in paint did, I also started painting. Of course I sucked at the beginning but in time I started hearing “this is correct” from my dad more and more often. Years later, the last thing I drew on that computer was McLaren F1. But I didn’t like that the car had such a big windshield so I lowered its top.

Mc Laren F1

I don’t know whether it was because our computer wasn’t capable of 16 or 32 bit color or that we didn’t know how to adjust the settings but we always drew in 256 colors. I drew a bunch of planes and cars but unfortunately neither of mine nor my dad’s drawings survived. Which is something saddens me as I recall that era of my life.

Other than drawing stuff, that computer was also a goldmine for me because of the countless games it came with. I don’t know other parts of the world but in turkey, after paying like 3.500$ to a computer the dealer wouldn’t really ask for money for the games you wanted on the machine. Basically every time the guy came to fix the computer or install some software for my dad, he also brought games. Plus the town I grew up in, Ordu was and still is a small city in which everyone knows each other. My probably was the computer dealer’s dentist. This is just an assumption though.


Alladin




Alladin! Oh I can’t remember how long it took for me to finish this game. I absolutely loved it. It made me so excited every time I was playing it. There was a level in a dungeon. I think it was the 3rd level. I can’t forget how scared and excited I was when I finally got to there. I remember shaking like crazy because I was scared that I’d lose and would have to start all over again. At that moment my dad had a patient and he stopped working and tried to calm me down. Which he did… but I failed that level at least a few weeks until I finally advanced. Needless to say, I was really hard on the keyboard while playing this game. My dad hated that.


The Lion King




Lion king was a great game which I didn't finish. But I played it for a long long time because I loved simba. It was great fun. Not like Aladdin though. The importance of my game comes from a trip my family took to Ankara to see my grandfather and some of my dad’s friends from university. There was a kid who was 2 years older than me and he was spending most of his time in front of computers. We started talking about computer games of course and we both knew Lion King so he opened the game.

At that moment, something that I never knew that could happen, happened! The game had sounds!! Samba was growling and there was music. It was like discovering a new drug (I guess). I loved it so much. When we returned to Ordu, our now 2 year old computer beeping pretty much like my Casio watch did didn’t impress me at all.


Sokoban

Sokoban was a great game. The aim is to push all of the boxes to that black area. rules are, you can't push more than a box and you can't pull boxes. Which means, if you push a box to a corner, you're done. My dad and his assistant advanced way further than I did in this game. Being beaten by them was no fun for me. I still play this game from time to time.


Duke Nukem



Another game I finished. I think this may be the only game in that period of my life that I finished before everyone else who was using that computer did. Frankly they didn’t like it that much. I don’t remember my about it. I remember a robot that looked like Kane from Robocop 2. That’s all really.

Kane from Robocop. So ugly... ugh...
  
There was one game that I only saw once in my neighbor’s computer. An older kid was playing it and he didn't really like and kind of conversation. Which meant I didn't even get the chance to ask the name of the game. It involved sending a black heavy ball through some devices to make it reach to some destination. Every level, you were given different tools and you were supposed to figure out how to solve the puzzle.



Tomorrow I’ll be posting about my computer experiences in Işık High School in İstanbul. First encounter with internet and all:)


Tuesday, March 5, 2013

A story about a long-awaited song


My age-long struggle of writing songs may have come to an end. Which is a big deal as it has always been what I want to do with my life. It may still be too early to talk too much about this but I do feel like some things are changing.

On 20th of January, I sat down in front of my computer and opened Cubase as I always do. I was chatting with a friend on Skype and recording 8 bar sections over a drum pattern. Suddenly, maybe for the first time after so many years, I managed to foresee a song from the section I had in my hands. So i decided to take up with it.

The rest came pretty quickly. However my old tendencies of trying to control every moment and achieve "perfection" in first try was constantly trying to stop me to progress. I decided to make this a "bad" song. Not to work on it too much. I didn't even try to re-record sections I failed to play properly. I didn't try to record multiple takes for the solos. I just recorded one of each and put in the song. Neither did I try to find a good sound... nothing... the result is absolute mediocrity if you'd ask me. 

Still, for some reason, the song sounds appealing to me. I do listen to is as a song from time to time. From the first day of recording, I was planning to record it properly at the end; after fixing my technique and learning some mixing and mastering. The thing is, it is March 5th today. About 45 days passed since I uploaded the song on Youtube but I still don't feel like I gained the technical abilities to record this song. 

As a related story, I gave the song link to my dad; who has never showed any real interest in my musical aspirations. I don't know why I gave him the link, maybe I was hoping for something different this time or maybe I just wanted to prove my opinion of him right. But to my surprise, he immediately responded and said that he loved the song and he wants to share it on facebook. And, he did; and his friends commented on the song. Needless to say, this was quite unexpected and gratifying.

I want to record the song again and hopefully I will. I realized that I know nothing about how to write drum tracks so I’m working on that. It would be better if was able to work on it every day but I usually don’t... well, fingers have to be crossed... considering how hard it has been for me to even come at this point.

Here is the song on Youtube and Soundcloud